children’s orchard and things that make me feel good.

some things that make me feel good:  making baby food.  recycling (when it’s easy to do), shopping at trader joe’s, doing the grocery game and saving money with coupons, getting my csa basket of vegetables and buying the rest of the produce i need organic at whole foods (using the money i saved with coupons!), going through my bon appetit cookbook and picking 4ish new things to make each week, working in the classrooms and at the school, having to stay home and be quiet so lila can take good naps, and my new favorite drink:  earl grey tea with vanilla creamer – aka London Fog at starbucks, but cheaper at home!  all of these things feel healthy, smart, and make me feel like i’m doing well by my family.  good quality of life.

another thing i love is giving kid clothes and stuff away.  at least half of our stuff has been given to us, so i love to hand it all off to the next person who needs it.  and if i don’t have someone to give it to, i usually take everything to the good will.  well, this time, lila is growing out of everything and there are no little baby girls around here who need it that match the seasons, etc.  so, this time i decided to take it all to children’s orchard and sell it and see if i could make any money.  that is a great store for finding good second hand kids’ clothes!  so i made an appointment to come in with all my stuff.  let me tell you, these folks are brilliant in how they do this!  you basically arrive at your scheduled time with your stuff, drop it off in a back room and go browse the store while they go through and decide what they want to resell.  so not only do they not have to haggle with you while you say, “you don’t want this?  it’s so cute!  my best friend gave it to my baby.”  or “it’s worth more than that!” yadah, yadah.  they also know that you will spend ALL the money you make while you browse because in their pickiness (and they are picky), they get really great stuff that you want to buy!  and they give offer you two selling options.  either take cash or they’ll give you more than the cash amount in store credit.  smart.  you’d think all of this is a bummer for the seller, but in the end, they actually pay really well for the stuff you bring in.  so, i basically traded because i spent all the money they gave me plus $12. but it was definitely worth it since i got $49 worth of nice (and needed) clothes for my kiddos.  very satisfying for this mama!

the baby food process

feeding my baby is so much more fun this time around!  i’ve been making her food instead of buying it at the store and man is it satisfying!  i had no idea how easy it is, or i would have always done it.  my aunt gave me a little food processor a while back and it’s the perfect size for pureeing fruits and vegetables.  then i got lidded ice cube trays to freeze the food.  about two peaches or pears fills a whole tray – six meals worth!  so this morning i did some pears, then carrots (steamed and pureed) and sweet potatoes (steamed and pureed).  it took me less than an hour total.  if all i gave her were these things, with a little oatmeal or rice cereal, i have 20 meals worth!  that’s a week’s worth of food, for cheap, and organic.  plus, i’m never thinking, “oh shoot, i have no food for lila!”  i always have some in the freezer.  no stress.  then i can mash an avocado or banana.  so basically, the girl is eating peaches with oatmeal and avacado for breakfast.  how yummy is that?  she loves it.  it’s so fun.  feels so much better to pull stuff from the freezer than pour it out of a jar.  and it makes me feel like i’m giving her real food instead of “baby” food.  i’m less freaked out to give her food that i eat because it doesn’t feel as foreign – where baby food in a jar feels like there is a secret ingredient that makes it “baby” food and as smooth as water.  i realize that baby food in a jar is exactly the same thing as what i’m making.  it’s a psychological thing, i guess.  i also realize that most people would read this is think, “yum, yep patty, that’s what we call feeding our baby.  it’s not that monumental!”  but whatever my mind games behind it, i’m having a great time with it!  three cheers for a third baby.  the baby i finally chillaxed with and enjoyed everything about it!

local vocals

so i FINALLY went to local vocals tonight!  it’s a once a month open mic event in town.  open to everyone, put on by the no square theater, and attended by anyone who likes to sing whatever they like to sing – but seemed like mostly drama types.  i’ve always wanted to get into the community theater here but haven’t had the time, was scared, didn’t have any experience, the list of excuses goes on and on.  but local vocals seemed like a good first step.  it’s not an audition.  it’s better if you can sing than if you suck, but you can still suck and people will be supportive of your effort.  so i went.  i didn’t prepare anything because i was just planning on checking it out.  to see if everyone was so good that i wouldn’t sing and embarrass myself.  and if i wouldn’t embarrass myself then i’d prepare something for next month.  plus, i’ve never given a pianist sheet music and gone for it before, so i was scared of that.  like i said the excuses go on and on.  well, it turns out, it’s a completely supportive atmosphere.  some people are REALLY great, some people not so great, but most people were good.  i could grow into that.  then the pianist is clearly incredible.  she could pick up anything and play it.  and so gracious.  everyone was so gracious.

so by the end of the night, i was kicking myself for not preparing something and decided to just go for it.  there were a few songs that i know well enough from belting out in my car when no one is listening.  not sure of all the words, but if i wrote them down, i could probably pull it off, maybe.  so i did.  i sang “i’m not that girl” from wicked.  it was fine.  certainly not great.  not at all the fabulous broadway calliber of voice that exists in my head : ).  not close to the best i know i could actually do.  but it didn’t completely suck.  anyway, when i was done i started crying.  not bad crying.  overwhelmed crying.  partly because it’s an emotional song, but mostly because after all this talking, dreaming, maybe one day i’ll get back into it-ing, i walked through the door and i did it.  i was TOTALLY embarrassed that i started crying, but the good thing is that in the dramatic world, they appreciate a little drama : ).  so it was fine.  and now i SO look forward to next month!  i wish it was tomorrow!  i can’t wait to learn new music!  i’m so excited to develop my voice in this way.  to set myself free again.  when i was young and was on stage all the time performing for dance, etc., i wasn’t afraid to perform.  now i’m afraid to perform.  i’ve been out of it long enough.  oh to be able to put on a character again!  how fun!  there were so many great examples of it tonight and i’ll be so stoked to soak it in.

i am so thankful to have had the opportunity to go to local vocals tonight.  really, it’s this little event.  no big deal.  for anyone with any experience, they see it as a fun get together, no big deal.  but for me tonight, it was a reintroduction to something that i love.  something that makes me tick.  i just loved it and look forward to doing it much better and free-er next time : ).  thank you Lord!  You know what i need.

the first day of the rest of my life

so with mia starting school, i have been reminded of a conversation jeff and i have had multiple times.  we used to talk about what my life would look like once she was in school.  it was a major conversation we had when we were deciding whether or not to have another baby.  i had/have dreams of getting back into dance and theater, pursuing a masters, teaching, a career outside the house, lots of things.  things that are a  lot more difficult to achieve while staying at home with the kiddos.  it is very strange to think that that scenario was to happen TODAY.  mia’s first day of kindergarten.  the first day of the rest of my life.  i was nervous that 33 would be too old to take anything on seriously.  it may be too old for some things, but clearly, it’s not too old for most.  it’s just so bizarre to think that today would have been that day.

however, we decided to have another baby.  our sweet lila.  i am SO glad we have her.  i wouldn’t trade it for the world.  and as i think of what would have been, i’m glad i don’t have it yet.  this transition into mom of three has been so good for me, as far as my sense of self.  you’d think i’d get more lost in everyone else, but i’m more comfortable in my own skin now.  and of course with my latest understanding of how unthreatening and small the world is, i’m not scared to wait 5 more years.  now, 38 may really be too old for some things, but not everything.  i really look forward to these next years.  i’m glad for and comfortable with the season i am still in.

i think the strangest thing is that it always felt like today would never come.  the day that a new season would start.  but here it is.  we’ve decided on a different route, but now i realize that the next “first day” will get here when it’s supposed to.

my big fat greek family and more

i just took the kids up to seattle this past week again!  this time we went up to have a memorial/family reunion for my papou who passed away earlier this summer.  since we were going anyway, we decided to stay a whole week and it was awesome.  every minute of it.  we got there late monday night and spent the night and grandma and grandpa’s house.  the next morning, my cousins, shauna and genea came over with their babies, one of which i hadn’t met yet.  it is so fun to see the family growing so much and for all of us cousins to interact as adults – especially as parents.  it’s a very cool new stage and i’m so thankful that we are all a part of each other’s lives.  we even started to make plans for yearly trips to lake chelan!  it will be so fun to have the kids grow up together and form memories like the ones i treasure so dearly!

from there, we went up to my parents’ house and spent a few days in heaven.  : )  my brother’s family lives on the bottom floor of my parents’ house and gabe and mia had the time of their lives playing with dylan and gia (cousins).  friday nick and kirsty came up with riese for more family time and we made an awesome brunch of filo eggs nests and abelskievers.  blackberries grow like weeds in washington and they were going OFF so we picked and ate our weights in them.  the kids chased each other around the house, played in the yard, went down to the beach, planted seeds, everything that is fun.  they have such a wonderful time together and it blesses my heart to see them love each other so much.

finally, saturday and sunday were spent at yiayia’s house, with the papadopulos side of the family, reunion-ing after many years apart (at least for me).  almost everyone was there.  it was in memory of papou and it was special to see members of the “in-law” families there to remember him.  only two of my cousins couldn’t make it.  i hadn’t seen a few of them in more than 4 years and austen brought his bride to be, sherry, who will be a fabulous addition to the family.  i love and respect my family so much it makes my heart ache.  i loved seeing them.  my kids got absolutely spoiled by marissa and lydia who played with them non stop and brought them gifts.  i had great conversations with so many, gained a new appreciation for not killing bugs especially in their own living space (outside), learned that c.r.s. is a disease that most people get as they age, but i got from having my third child (Can’t Remember Shit) : ).  i learned that my cousin grey has the best laugh that God ever bestowed on someone.  it’s loud, full of life, and occurs often.  i love it.  i was up before anyone else with my baby when my thea mia came over and started cooking breakfast for everyone.  i got to be there, to help however i could with lila, and basically live in the village i’ve longed for my whole adult life.  to take care of my kids, help others take care of theirs while they took care of mine, have meaningful conversations with the people i love, take pictures to remember it, and create memories for my kids that i hope will stick in their brains like glue.

we have friends that when we get together, all of us are better for it.  they are incredibly loving to eachother and by association, we become more loving.  they don’t act loving.  they are loving.  it just rubs off on  you.  it’s not planned.  it just is.  it’s like it’s a part of the air.  that is how my family is.  i want so badly for my kids to know what i always knew with my family.  that they are loved, accepted, and fabulous.  they got exposure to that this week.  i love it for them and it fills me up.  it is much bigger than the sum of its parts.  and more than that, i can’t believe that i get in on both sides of my extended family.  it’s just awesome.

and we came home to a great surprise.  jeff’s sister, carolyn, and her 7 kids – 7 more cousins! – are in town.  more fun.  more love.  what a perfect way to end the summer!  my life is so blessed.

do you have any idea how small we are?

i don’t really have any time to blog, but i wanted to get this down so don’t forget it.  it’s nuts.  and now that i’m reading the time traveler’s wife, my mind is even more overwhelmed with the possibilities that aren’t really possibilities.  anyway, last sunday jeff taught at church and in his introduction, he referenced a photo taken by the hubble.  the hubble is a telescope that is outside the earth’s atmosphere so that the atmosphere doesn’t mess with the picture.  anyway, the director of the hubble gets to point it wherever he wants to for 10% of the time.  he decided to point it in the darkest part of the sky.  the very blackest area they could find.  so they point it there and start looking deeper and deeper into that postage stamp of space.  eventually over time, lights start to appear.  soon, you have thousands of lights in this space.  stars.  stars that are so far away that it takes the hubble time to reach as far as their light is actually emanating.  i’m SO not a scientist, so i’m sure i’m saying all of this incorrectly, but you get the picture.  it’s VERY far away.  far enough that some of the “stars” we’re seeing were made in the first 5% of time’s existence.  okay, so zoom in closer and you find that these stars, or at least many of them, are actually galaxies.  like the milky way.  bigger, smaller, whatever, but they are made of billions of stars.  milky ways.  so back up all the way out of the deepest darkest space, to the milky way, to the solar system, to the earth, to north america, to the united states, to california, to orange county, to laguna beach, to through street.  i am a VERY small, VERY insignificant piece of this puzzle!!!

we all know we aren’t the center of the universe, but we still feel like we are.  we feel like our feelings, interactions, dreams, successes, failures, what have you are uber-important for the world to keep spinning – at least OUR world spinning.  and our earth is pretty small these days, since we can all interact via email, news or satellite images.   it makes us even more important because we can interact and appreciate things that are different or foreign.  even realizing that so much is the same within cultures makes us feel like we are part of a natural society.  all people act a certain way, so that must be the absolute way things were made to be.  true or not, it contributes to us viewing all of creation as way smaller than it actually is.

so, you’d think realizing how ridiculously small we are, actually so small it’s not even worth talking about, one would become indifferent to everything, knowing that his life is just a breath that doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of things one iota.  if you are the greatest human to have ever lived or the most vile, it will pass.  if you blow up the whole earth, the rest of creation won’t even notice.  worlds and stars are blowing up, burning out, etc. every minute.  you’d at least be incredibly depressed  if you grasped the magnitude of the situation.

it’s funny, that’s not my response at all.  my response isn’t futilistic.  it’s hopeful.  it makes me totally unafraid.  really, what is there to be afraid of?  if there is a person that is intimidating to you, WHY?  they were born the same way, will die the same way, and in the middle the main difference is probably who had more courage or more fear to influence their decisions.  i mean really, in the grand scheme of our insignificance, one person’s cool factor is absolutely inconsequential compared to another’s.  so changing your city, hair, life, whatever.  why not just do it?  i’m unafraid now.  (mostly : ) )

the other thing that could happen is that one would relieve himself of any need to be moral and just do whatever he wanted to, because who cares?  this also isn’t my response.  i figure since it’s all so short and poof, gone in a moment, why not make the best of it for everyone?  i guess this is probably tightly connected to the fact that i believe there is a God who has said we are significant and that how we live actually does matter.  or maybe it’s that this God gives me a reason to smile and love the life i have even if it’s short.  if it’s true that this God created this utterly vast universe and has still decided that i have value, then NOT doing something because of fear or intimidation is a foolish way to live.  in light of the smallness of this world, why not make the MOST of it?  always?  seeing eternity in light of such a small life, and a God that cares about it, makes me alive.  just my response, i guess.  it actually does directly hand in hand with what the bible says about God.  you are invited into ABUNDANT LIFE.  we can live large.  and in light of how inconsequential we are, then failures also aren’t really worth dwelling on.  leave it behind and move on.  if you need to reconcile something, do it.  but if you just failed an attempt, leave it or try again and live large.  in the grand scheme of things, just move on.  that is SO GOD!  so forgiving and ready to give another chance.  a big universe could make you despair, or it could reveal another way God is just larger than we thought and more true to His character.  it’s okay to be small. : )

hair cuts

hair cuts always give me a little bit of a heart attack.  but my hair was SO long, was falling out all over the place and lila was pulling out minimum a handful everyday.  it was time to chop!  i’m the type that cuts it all off and lets it grow out over the next few years.  so, i’m sure it will be the same this time, but it feels so good to have it short.  and really, it’s only hair, right?  it grows.  so yesterday (when i got it cut) i wasn’t sure about it all day.  i knew that if i was looking objectively at it, i would have liked it a lot.  but when it’s your hair it takes a minute.  today i like it.  so, new hair.  kinda fun.

looking forward

i’m thinking it’s a good thing that school is starting soon.  we’re ALL ready for it!  the kids are starting to bicker more and i’m starting to care less : ).  but more, i’m just really looking forward to a great year at el morro!  gabe will be in 2nd grade.  that’s about as good as it gets there.  2nd and 3rd graders rule the school.  4th and 5th graders are quickly becoming “over it” and kindergartner’s and 1st graders are just figuring it out.  2nd grade will be great.  i kind of know a lot of the kids and some of their parents by now.  gabe is confident on the playground and gets how a classroom works.  i’m excited for him to learn all kinds of new things.  fun!  and mia will be a kindergartner!  it’ll be easier for her simply because she is well familiar with the school grounds and as long as she gets mrs. sjule, who was gabe’s teacher, she already even knows the staff!  i’m really excited for her to get to be a big kid and to learn all the things she’s wanting to learn.  she informed me she already knows her letters, their sounds, and how to count to 100 and higher, so she can just go to 1st grade.  i look forward to her making some sweet friends this year.  that is one of my main prayers for her in the next few months.

personally, i was a room mom when gabe was in kindergarten and it was so hard for me.  first, i’m not really a phone call maker/emailer by nature.  my friends all know that : ).  but i was also clueless as to what other parents needed to know since i had never done it before.  this year, although i will not be room mom!, i will be more active knowing what to expect.  i definitely want to work in the classrooms.  not sure how that will work with lila, but i’ll figure it out.  it’s too important.  and i love getting to know all those little cuties!  i was thinking that i would also offer to host a kindergarten class get together in october so that parents could meet eachother.  i figure by a month or so into school, the kids have made some friends and want to start playdates, etc.  it’s always awkward for me because  i hate making phone calls to people i don’t know.  i also remember being in kindergarten and when i saw someone from school outside of school hours, it sort of immediately created a friendship.  so why not have a get together at the park or something (totally low key) so parents can meet eachother and meet the friends of their kids, etc.?  i think it’ll be fun.

anyway, i’m looking forward to new adventures for my kids, new adventures for myself  (i’ll be at that school for 13 years by the time i’m done with it.  i figure i’ll have had my hands in a little bit of everything by the time we’re thru) and for 5+ hours each day to get myself together and find a nitch.  i think we’re all ready for a new groove.  i look forward to a great last 2 1/2 weeks of summer, but we’re ready for fall!  plus, college football is going to start!  go huskies!!

what am i going to do with my life?

this is the question i woke up asking myself.  what am i going to do with my life?  one might answer, “what do you mean!  you’re raising 3 awesome kids!  what else could you want?”  honestly, i feel guilty that i want something else, but i just do.  i LOVE my kids.  and i love being able to be with them everyday and to watch them grow.  i would absolutely hate to miss any of it.  so, this is definitely the option that i choose freely and gladly.  however, am i really made to constantly change dirty diapers, constantly feed hungry mouths with food i’m not excited to give them because i’m too tired to make good snacks, do never ending laundry, break up non stop bickering, remind the kids for the millionth time to say hello, please, thank you and goodbye with a good attitude, and look at my never completely clean house?  on top of it, i’m exhausted at the end of everyday (well, in the middle of everyday too, right about 3 o’clock) but i feel like i haven’t done anything because it all looks just like it did at any other time of day because it just keeps going and going and going.  meal after meal, load after load, mess after mess.  this.  is this really what i was made to do?  i have a college degree for goodness sake!  it wasn’t in early childhood education.  it was in social science with an emphasis in history.  it’s sociology and political science.  deep thinking about real issues, concepts, people and problems.  my kids of course are “real issues, concepts, people and problems” that need deep thinking to contribute to the well being and betterment of this world.  but for some reason when i’m breaking up petty fights over who gets to open the door this time, it doesn’t feel like i’m making much of a contribution.

lately i’ve been cooking a lot and they’ve been awesome recipes.  i look at the quilt i made and i love it.  the painted walls in our living room are so cool.  i love getting to read such great books.  helping out at the kids’ school is so fun.  having time to go up to mammoth or seattle whenever it’s affordable is SO great.  i have time to be creative and resourceful.  i look at my life and remind myself that if i had a job i wouldn’t have all this freedom.  it just seems sometimes like none of this matters.  it doesn’t have a pay check or much respect really.  later in life when i apply for a job, regardless of what i’ve done for the past 10-18 years, i won’t have a single thing on my resumee.  and if i’ve “just been a housewife” my whole life, who will i really have made an impact on?  i know the answer to this question, but for some reason, it doesn’t seem to count.  i wish i could get over that.  i think i’ve said it before, but i need a vision for the mother/homemaker/housewife job.  my kids are amazing, my husband is amazing, my home is amazing, my life, really is so amazing.  anyone have any insight for me?  i’d love to hear it.  i want to love what i’m doing without feeling like i should be doing something else.  maybe if i could see this as a season (because it doesn’t really feel like there will be options after the kids are grown up – therefore, not a season!), i would be able to enjoy and appreciate today for everything great that it is.  ah, the process….

a conversation between my boys

so the other day mia decided gabe should move out because he was being mean to her. : )  here’s the conversation i came upon as it was being written in chalk on our sidewalk.  my husband is brilliant and such a good dad!  a conversation between a 7 year old boy and his 38 year young dad…

jeff:  GABE COME HOME!

gabe: NO

jeff:  Dang it!

gabe:  I’m a bad kid.  (I hate it when he says this, but it comes out ever so often)

jeff:  No, you rule!

gabe:  No i don’t

jeff:  Well, i think you’re the best!

gabe:  For the last time.  i don’t rule!  (Gabe starts to give in to his dad’s silliness)

jeff:  I disagree.  Are you calling me a liar?

gabe: No.  But i will just live in the trash can.  (gabe’s favorite place to live when mia kicks him out)

jeff:  Then can i have your LEGOS?

gabe: Never

jeff: WAAAAAA!!!

gabe:  What the?

: )